Memorial Day; Searching into the Past for the Present

The Real Life of a Chicago Gal

Ramblings and Ponderings

Memorial Day started off dreary, and all I did was research, sip flat bubbly wine, and nibbled on scones, some berries, and texted a few people here and there. I wanted to try and get to things I found inconsistent or that did not seem to match up from my past. I talked with my Aunt, Laura, about myself, and a few things that I liked to do, and we seemed to click pretty fast.

She also told me a bit about my grandfather that I never met who was a war Vet and also apart of the Buddhist community in Chicago, IL. The one thing that had struck me hardest hearing this, was finding out why my grandfather's deeds later on in life were not only hidden, but kept hush hush, especially in the Buddhist Community (outside of my family knowing some or most of what he did.)

As a child, I constantly heard stories of my mother's childhood, what she witnessed, what my grandmother went through, and the bits and pieces that floated in my mind as small scenes that eventually faded away. The stories were told like they were just facts, so I took them as such until now.

Being a child, you do not realize completely that events happen for a reason, and that you are too young to fully comprehend them all. Events seem like isolated ones, separate and unconnected to each other.  Parents and Teachers tell you to do research on people all the time, watch documentaries about slaves, the KKK, why gangs were actually formed and for what purpose. My life as a young child was filled with watching things over and over about race relations and conflicts, and reading bits and pieces of my mother's African American encyclopedias and continuing on today with reading snippets of todays news, and feeling like I do not belong in this world at all. 

As I mature into an adult, while I feel like I am literally going insane with my brain questioning almost everything that I experience and witness, I am trying to figure out all the bits and pieces that I did not know or understand. All the while, trying to better find out what power and potential is running in my veins, who I am, and who I will/want to become in the future. It is a weird process, trying to uncover the past from the bits and pieces that people can recall, trying to find puzzle pieces to find out who I actually am, and what contributions my grandfather and other deceased relatives achieved.

To the  people who only see the surface; I am just a slightly shy low key participant in the Western Gyaru Online Community, only resurfacing to help coordinate events or to participate in the GGA, or an art student at Columbia who falls asleep or can't keep focused in boring classrooms. However, deep down below that shallow surface, I am so much more, bubbling slowly like lava in a volcano. Ready to erupt with a ton of amazing things to share with the world.

I do apologize if my thoughts seem a bit scattered. Totally different topic post than I usually writte, but hey, I am more than just a fashion and shopping obsessed lady. :p

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