From being a glasses with a cord attached, gifted program, A and B honour roll ugly duckling student,to being obsessed with alternative and Jfashion in my young adult life, at least with fashion, things have changed. I switched out baggy male jeans and t-shirts for slimmer skinny jeans and black hoodies like some emo kid to switching it out again to look like a walking block of colour... but of course at times wearing mostly all black.
I went from not wanting to wear heavy make up at all to looking like a panda for the most part. Though still a bit reserved regardless of all the events I helped throw in Chicago, I went from being pretty asocial to chattin it up like crazy and sharing laughs, trying to become more outgoing than what I was in my youth and trying to help people get out the house, open up, wear what they like, and live it up. Perhaps an agejou for the people I hung out with deep down inside.
Slowly breaking fears along the way, I tried my best to do things that I liked or wanted to do: Trying to make more friends, meet new people (Even though I wasn't very good at it... I tried my best. hahahaha...), see new places, and that list goes on. I have overcome a lot of fears and roadblocks that I thought I wouldn't be able to as a kid, and I am proud of myself.
Living away from home again, and this time rooming with strangers. I feel like I can really explore and see what I like to do. I can cozy up with an encyclopedia if I want to, I can knit and have a glass of wine or something at the same time if I want to. I can go out and explore some where in the city and just take it all in. I can do things at my own pace too! Pretty snazzy!
About last month, after a talk with Fenex, I kept mulling over things even more than I usually do. And on the 7th I wanted to take action. Well, I am always doin stuff, but this time, I decided to destroy some old parts of me that made me unhappy. No, I don't mean any type of wacky self harm. I decided to destroy and throw away my old trophies and awards from my childhood, Honour Rolls. Perfect Attendance. Reminders of being this over achiever, teacher's pet, meek and mild, always on time, good student that just did not make me happy (Not saying that doing well in school or being on time is bad... but hopefully you will understand what I mean!) I broke some and just got rid of them, And it made me super happy.
It was like... idk. this may just sound super weird or nerdy, but if you played the Fatal Frame games and you get those wiggly blue face ghosts on places... and when you snap a pic of something else and you break the ghostly seal and it evaporates... Thats what it feels like. ahahhah XD
I feel a little bit more free now.
I really love this post of yours. Really, it inspires.
ReplyDeleteI am 16years old now in the second grade of high school and I am exactly what you were.
Always the good kid, always the good student, always the perfect daughter. Never complaining, never being loud or a rebel. It´s feeling like living a double live atm. I have my life with my school, my family and my friends here and then there is the life I have with my BF, my Lolita,/Gyaru/j and k fashion addicted friends which became so important to me. In school I am the plain, nerdy girl with good grades and an always helping hand and in my privat life I am going out wearing a different clothing style, different makeup and an different attitude, hanging around with my ppl, laughing and going trough thick and thin. And this life is making me the happiest and I constantly feeling more and more strange in this other "school and family life". I still want to be good in school and be the perfect daughter but I am looking forward to the time when I can be myself and enjoy it. I will be happy to leave my school days behind and start a new university student life.
I really like your blog, keep up ^^
Love, Lily
lily-couture.blogspot.de
Hi Lily! Thank you so much for reading! I am glad you get to express yourself with your friends! It certainly is hard to try to keep pretending like you are "perfect". Trying to always get good grades and do everything that a good student should, especially when it may not measure up in your heart the same way it does our parents.
DeleteI do wish you lots of success, Lily, in your last few years in High School. do learn lots, but have fun too!