I really wasted my own time trying to be on good terms with people who hated me, wanted others to do so too, and liked seeing me disrespected and frustrated. I wasted my own time working on a few (not all) projects where the goals were constantly shifting out of reach, the budget to pay me was nearly non existent though there were investors and new equipment for the group, and projects/benefits that were dangled in front of me I “hadn’t worked hard enough l for it yet” despite making appearances to the least important events I was informed about and creating content etc.
I thought that putting in more work, extending myself to be there for others would actually work… because that’s what I was told and I held on to that belief. But, at the end of the day, I was important enough for them to be so concerned about me.
Anyway…Because once people are set on what they think, even if they didn’t ask questions or ask for all parties to talk about the issue together or are discouraged in doing so, they are set on it no matter what. They may like the drama and actually don’t like you.
A human flaw or just something that could be helpful in not wasting your time?
But yea, stick with people that actually want you to be in their life. You can’t change their minds because they don’t want to. (And maybe they actually didn’t like you and live for the drama.)If* they change their mind, they may feel too embarrassed to bring it up. People telling you to try harder when you’re getting snubbed only want to delight in you making a fool of yourself and wasting your time. Just like me, you’ll take this advice because this person was a trusted person in your life and you shouldn’t disregard that and think for yourself. You’ll stay, thinking “this too shall pass” and the next time shared will be better. You’ll be wasting some time or even years on a project that may not be paying you well or at all and getting no benefits or even losing tons of them, staying with people that don’t care about you to your face, or even being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t even want to be with you yet just want to take notes about what you’re into or and your reputation especially if they can’t use you up anymore.
This is : sunk cost fallacy: you continue to stay or have stayed because you put in so much effort (time, money) and continue to do so without concerning yourself with the tangible benefits you could be getting now and in the future. Maybe there were false promises and excuses and you don’t want to come across as “selfish” while being exploited. After all, you want to be seen as supportive of the mission, not self centered and greedy.
If a person is concerned about the situation being mutually beneficial (that just beneficial for themselves only), they’d weigh the options: are they getting paid adequately enough for the job (than putting in a lot of labor for nothing)? Is their partner or friend putting in substantial and reciprocal effort? And so on.
People who are opportunistic (a word I learned from a Chicago Artist that now works for Marvel who made some appearances at some of my and LA’s events in the past), people who only see something as a means to an end, those overly concerned with their image/ego and being better than others also fall into the time wastage of sunk cost fallacy! They want to maintain an image of a “winner” than being perceived as “flawed”, “weak”, “loser” in any way so it’s guaranteed that they’d continue because they cannot stop.
