How to NOT Dox Yourself

Keeping yourself safe is pretty standard advice.

So is making sure that when you hand your resume to someone who is a complete stranger to you to "fix" that they are someone you trust with that information. A stranger can go and see where you are working, and if you are getting out of an abusive relationship, you don't want that person knowing where you are since they are not capable of respecting your boundaries and treating you with respect.They have the potential and will/might just cause drama with the people around you and get you fired. A stranger who may be a win-at-all-costs sadistic, bruised ego type can have access to your references that may have loved you and your work ethic before, and "furnace your references".

Get it? Like, you can furnish or provide the references but those same people can have the relationship bridge be "furnaced"... like burnt. Scorched earth, burned bridges... no more friends...no support system....(geez... at least chuckle a little... i'll take a groan or rolled eyes.... lol)

Anyway, that bridge to your reference helping you out will be burned by a stranger pretending to help you... JUST FOR YOU! You didn't need them anyway! Because why have people make sure you can keep a roof over your head when you can struggle instead? Why have people be concerned for your wellbeing when you can have those people ignoring you when they said that you can always visit them and count on them? Who needs references and peers from top universities or colleagues granting a good word or business oppurtunities? Certainly not you!

Oh wait... you actually want those references and need a good word put in for you to advocate for your personality or work ethic? Then make sure who ever is working on your resume actually is trusted, or just look on google for some templates and examples. Sometimes a basic resume is better to land the job of your dreams than one barely being edited that hinders your ability to freely choose a career or job of your choice.

Donations can be sent to my paypal account to support the blog. Unless you want to stay anonymous to be safe, written thank you will be in the next post.

What Would You Do? Scapegoat Edition

b>

So.... what does one do when you make acquaintances with people that hate who you are as a person and can only downplay your achievements, never congratulate you, never be happy for you about anything. What do you do when these random people who smile at you and then get in the way of your career centered connections or even followers and act as if they don't know what they are doing but still want to be in your pictures and blog because its somewhat "popular" at the time or want you to devote all your time for no monetary compensation for "exposure"?(And the kind of exposure that helps you land customers or help you out, but it just "exposes" all the "negative" things you've said or done so people will end up not supporting your efforts. That you become isolated and can't even hustle to bring in money for basic needs, a sort of financial abuse if you will.)

Apparently, hanging out with them and giving them the benefit of a doubt time and time again doesn't work, nor humbling yourself so much so it makes people comfortable. Apparently, collaborating with them, does not work, nor changing the subject when there are topics I don't like come up. Apparently, keeping them close gives them oppurtunities to use my name and connection to discredit me or say anything negative to anyone that would listen and have it seem credible because of being "friends" on facebook, or to propell themselves farther. I word that someone told me was "oppurtunistic". Apparenty, Burberry handbags, that may or may not be authentic, are apologies for actions that are never fully rectified and never will be because thats who they are. This is what I learned, slowly but surely over those long 14 years. Being told I was being scapegoated for someone else's problems that were there before I met them.

Apparently, the actions that I have taken 14 years ago after becoming single and creating a few groups to help the main group's goals I was in, and continuing on with acquantainces that were in love with someone who was extremely incompatible with me did more harm than good as a gaijin gyaru/alternative fashion blogger and hobbyist was NOT the best course of action.

It is interesting being reduced to a sex object by women so concerned about that facet of my life while I was more interested in creating art and finishing college. That these strangers, random people, will never see me as the college student and artist that I was at the time delving into online communties. It is interesting never speaking my mind about those situations, thinking that if I wasn't getting flustered, that I could focus on something else. No, these strangers SEE that I do art, creating hairpieces and etc... but they don't want to acknowledge and hate that I am able to do those things.

What I've learned its... Moving on is great even after realizing that things are not going as planned, but not when you inadvertedly dox yourself by giving someone your resume that is not helping you in the gaming/gal/regular community and never will because they don't want you to make profits. Moving on is great when you aren't adding people who are being disrespectful to you. Moving on is great when you don't tell people whwere you work or go to school when you have a somewhat initially strong online presence. Moving on is great when you can make sure that no one is sabotaging your personal life and your regular jobs. Moving on is great when you aren't opening yourself and your personal life up to people that want to say horrible things to the people who are employing you so that your support system falls away or starts treating you horribly as well. "Snubbing..." right?

What I've learned is that some people will never apologize for the things they have said, nor the actions they have done. They want to appear perfect to everyone despite everything that has happened, or want me to simply forget or otherwise... That they NEED someone so desperately to hold all these negative attributes for them. THEY cannot be overly sexual even if they are, because that doesn't align with their image they want people to believe. Someone else has to hold the burden, even unwittingly, as the sex symbol or promiscuous being. That me actually learning how to code, even just a bit, me actually knowing how to paint, going to college, continuing my education etc, is destroying the new image for me they are telling people about which would make them liars, haters, or just people who blurt out career destroying things.

If they were friends, wouldn't they come to me about our personal business and NOT spread "my" information to strangers in secret groups? If they were really friends, wouldn't they be bragging about my accomplishments? When did friends just want to humble you so much and make you out to be some monster who can't learn and NEED people to hate? To scapegoat and project all their issues on someone that would constantly come back and not question their actions? WHen did breaking up with someone become so troublesome? When has it been ok to tell private things or seemingly private things to strangers that you cant go to the person and seem to want to still have them around at the same time? Or is to ruin the "clout" and "popularity" i had so THEY wouldn't be overthrown or because they feel as if they were? I wonder who knows....

Have people been that hungry and entitled to attention and compliments and validation, and I just overlooked it? Did speaking negatively about me cure them of their issues or just gave them some sadistic pleasure to fiddle themselves at night?

Its a compliment to know that some people will always speak bad about me and have me be at the topic of their conversations if it helps soothe a bruised ego. Its weird, but a compliment and sense of odd validation that feels much stronger than inspiring people to dress in Jfashion, or get into gal to make a new gyaru circle that would overtake a group that should have never been, or being called pretty after caking on layers of make up and several pairs of eyelashes. Its more of a compliment than your hot crush wanting to kiss you at a mini after party after your so called "friend" claims she had a miscarriage with his baby and has been living under him not wanting to work. So, thank you acquaintaces for giving me the best validation of my life, despite it hindering finding regular work and people believing that we were actually close friends than people getting to know each other.

Life is strange.

Donations can be sent to my paypal account to support the blog. Unless you want to stay anonymous to be safe, written thank you will be in the next post..

Values, Failures, Mission Statement

Good evening! How are you? Are you doing alright after the pandemic and with all the chaos going on in the world? Are you doing alright with your work load or with the topics you are studying?

You know...this blog was generally centered around various aspects of my days throughout college, events I hosted with others, or what I found cool. However, it didn't allow much in the ways of getting to see your perspectives and such. And for that, I apologize. I did want to share with you some things. My content, projects and such were also a space for me to showcase the values that I held and not just cutely decorated nails, convention coverage and Jfashion trends. I thought that I was getting the message across and being open and accepting to the people around me despite the differences.

Looking back,one of the things I failed at was that I saw that I was NOT typing or verbally expressing them like I should in moments that occured. Redirecting conversations and not adding in comments is great, however, I did not fully get the message across. This caused a lot of misinterpretiations in and out of relationships with new acquantances and that can and possibly did reach others before they spoke with me which caused 2 things:

1. Me not being able to share my side or question the validity of what was said.

2. Not given the chance to apologize and talk it out with the persons who I seemed to offend who did not want to tell me but to broadcast it to others despite me having a policy of talking things out for clarification and improving relations.

A few more failures:

Not clarifying what I wanted in my relationships boundary wise; personal and professional, led to a lot of failures. Not stating who was actually a PR Person or not and the stance for my content and brand with them. Overlooking conflict in my personal/private relationship that I did not tend to in a timely manner which affected a multitude of connections. Not considering what a competitor told me; "You can't build a business with "friends"", and not questioning what they meant and how it would affect the projects I was collaborating on.

This has all been an interesting journey.

We deserve love - Anti Latinx/poc hate, fatphobia is not tolerated here

 For the most of us, we can all agree that we should all be able to be respected for who were are when it comes to our ethnicities, body types and for the languages that we speak beyond English and to have healthy high self esteem. We can also agree that the people who we follow or get involved with or who seek us out should have our best interests at heart and not play on our fears and insecurities. When we clarify and connect, we use our own thinking skills and avoid things damaging our self esteem and losing people who support us.  Some people are desperate to divide us by any means necessary to conquer and be perceived as perfect, popular and powerful. They use our bickering,pettiness, our falling outs, and even negative emotions to be able to do accomplish this because they fear us having a strong support group and potentially “losing”. 

More info on how this is achieved is below  ⬇️ 

-take the spotlight off of them and any negative actions they caused before throwing someone under the bus for fun/survival

-to throw someone under the bus, undermine their work and effort and silence them

-the reason why they brought up negativity in the first place  

-to create an enemy of a secret rival and to seem perfect to someone else’s audience and connections

-to keep their hands “clean” while others do their dirty work

-to avoid accountability (there is too much chaos happening.)

-to erode trust in between friends, fans, etc

-to not “lose” to someone they seem a rival 

This is a common tactic for rivals in and out of the game of politics which includes competing businesses and even relationships. 

This can cause one person or group to seem hateful and the other party to partake in actions that can create a negative response that can lead to a reaction that fulfills a prophecy as well as dividing groups and friendships and ruining trust.go

 It amplifies ordinary actions or lying about them and makes people take things out of proportion and to make something out of nothing without you using your own mind and skills for doing your own due diligence (asking for facts, clarity, even having that other party there to tell the side of their own story). 

When we take the time to think for ourselves and ask questions about their intent (doing our due diligence to make informed choices), we can overcome the hurdles of broken relationships, self esteem  and find common points to clarify and conmect. This can be scary for some people who rely on these tactics for power and popularity and winning at all costs.