Antidepressants are Useless?

 Today I read an article regarding depression and the use of antidepressants to treat this common mental disorder. As a person who has had depression before and during my gyaru/alt fashion journey, and has even tried antidepressants as well, this study shocked me! 

These pills (third ranking amongst meds in the US) that commercials promote (in the USA, but not a common finding overseas) and doctors prescribe are to help your brains intake serotonin (happy chemical), but apparently it’s not the lack of it that causes depression. 

Will this be a blow to big pharma and the money they make (a whopping 13.4 BILLION!!) off antidepressants? 

Check out the article: 

https://thehill.com/changing-america/well-being/mental-health/3569506-depression-is-likely-not-caused-by-a-chemical-imbalance-in-the-brain-study-says/amp/

What do you think? 

Ponderings on Sowing Distrust

Good evening. 

There have been times when I wanted to interview or do a quick collaboration with a few people/someone when I had a lot on my plate during my undergraduate program. 

Cool music or vibe, great... yet there is a road block. The middle man  doesn't want me to meet with them, talk to them in person, or doesn't even pass the message along to collab. Or passes other messages or puts words in our mouths instead, creating dissension, distrust and dislike between two people who haven't even gotten to really meet each other to see if they'd click. If you try to talk with that person of interest and vice versa, reality is already skewed and not on your behalf. 

So... who gets stuck with the blame of not going through with someone and highlighting some black girl magic or gets a label as being "lazy" or even "difficult"?

Something to consider for other people who may be in a similar situation.

Black Girl and the “Princess Burikko”

Black Girl was approached by a shorter girl with a princess, burikko type of mentality at an event. This new girl thought she was perfect and decided to pretend to be friends with the black girl. Who didn’t want to be in pictures with someone with a wide audience and who had a connection with a hot, smart, college guy? Think of the likes on new pictures and being praised on being Asian! Think of snatching a guy away from someone! How fun! She thought. 

The Black girl accepted her into the social club, not seeing the real side of things. 

 The “princess” acted chummy with her and the social club, whilst throwing shade at other members who happened to be plus sized, who weren’t arrogant and had passion and real interest in the club. The “Princess” seemed to act like some of the bigger girls should lose weight and seemed to make a big deal out of it while Black Girl seemed to be put off by the remarks, even sticking up for the members that were put down. Why was it "Princess"'s business if they were bigger or not? They weren’t less than, incompetent, or unattractive just because they happened to be bigger! Black Girl didn't stand for that tye of treatment at all. 

Later on, The “Princess” was introduced to the college guy via the other creators of the social group, knowing that the Black Girl liked him. The “Princess” decided to call the other girls “snakes” behind their backs while being the one sleeping with the guy the Black Girl liked. During the same time span, a different guy friend of the other group creators knew the “Princess” from school, and called her a snake as well. The turmoil was too much for Black Girl.  

Months later, the “Princess” befriended the Black Girl’s ex despite him being a cheater and wanting to be a bum… but maybe they were birds of a feather. Not into school or education, but sex, and pretending to be friends with people then ditching them at the worse times.

The girl felt no remorse for betraying the Black Girl and making it seem like it was her fault. After all, why feel guilt when you think it’s ok? She told Black Girl that she was all alone and to just deal with the betrayal caused by people claiming titles of "friendship" and "sisterhood". After all, the “Princess” used her all up, and tossed her aside for someone better who wouldn’t constantly remind her of her behavior. 

Story Series: The Side Girl and the Ex Man

This story series contains contain that may be triggering for some. 

Dating advice pt 1

 Here is a collection of dating tips.

Do’s:

Date someone who supports you, your goals, and your accomplishments. 

Date someone who appreciates you. 

Date someone who doesn’t want you to become more depressed. 

Date someone that doesn’t want to have sex with all your friends. 

Date someone who can leave the relationship without putting all the blame on you.

Date someone who isn’t going to kiss and tell. 

Date someone who isn’t going to cheat on you and tell everyone and their momma that you cheated instead.

Date someone is mature enough to be able to talk out issues in the relationship to resolve them. (Lack of the ability to resolve issues or dismiss them is a sign that they don’t want to change their behaviour and doesn’t care if it affects you. Yes, older men do this too.) 

Don’ts 

Don’t date (or keep dating) someone who will worsen your depression or anxiety. Its a tactic for them to be able to pull the "my ex is crazy card" and discredit you. 

Don’t date someone who will make you feel insecure or enable bad or unhealthy decisions. 

Don’t date someone who will only want you back after you caught them cheating but never made efforts to keep you in the first place.

Don’t date someone who thinks it’s ok to have sex with your friends without your knowledge, or discussion of the do’s and donts of an open relationship.

Don’t date someone who thinks its ok to ruin your career or job status so you can't get away or afford the things you need to live. 

Don’t date someone who pressures you into a relationship too quickly.

Don’t date someone who shows a lack of interest in you. 

Don’t date someone who moves too fast into a relationship. Take it slow.

Cyborg teen titans and music as a crutch

 Cyborg from Teen Titans liking his shining song to open pickle jars and save his friends is so real. Sometimes things need to be a crutch to survive your day to day and get stuff done.   

When I was going to high school, a little before my jfashion beginnings, being on crowded, noisy buses was frustrating and exhausting. Luckily, LicaMica (my little sister), got me an iPod as a present. my walkman would always skip when the bus would pass over bumps and potholes on the road, but Apple’s iPod was a fantastic new piece of technology that my sister introduced me to. And boy! Was it so handy for me. I loaded my favorite Jrock and pop songs from America on it. 

It really helped me out. anyway, until next time!

Graphic Design, Gal, and The Name Game

So, sometimes multitasking keeps me focused on other things until I get time to review them. I am sitting here trying to update my sad lil Behance page with things related to graphic design work, and I just want to nap instead!

ahh.. ol gyaru memories. 

I am glad to have worked with my gal-sa crew over the years. I have not been one to work closely with people in school due to being reserved and also experiencing poor communication between teammates, as well as art times where the work was often dropped in my lap.

Anyway, back on topic, I loved brainstorming what our logo would look like, picking and choosing our circle's name and font to try to lead the style direction we were going for, and seeing how we should design our webpage and agree on copy for the web. 

It amazes me how much graphic design work, creative and artistic direction work had sat in my lap for so long when I helped with the non-event related tasks for Black*Cherry and Gal*Luxy. If I had tied more of my two worlds together a bit more earlier on at Columbia, maybe I would have had more design samples and would have liked the projects a little better. 

Too bad our websites have been deleted off though! boooo!

We picked and chose our font for our logo after deciding on a few names I had come up with for our circle.
I made a video in one of my classes to help promote our circle.

Work by LA 
ACEN 2010 promo

I do not recall when the trend of putting text blatantly on a picture came about, but it is shown here from about May 2010, created by LA. Putting text over an image was a BIIIG no-no in my design classes. 

Ha! 

But you can spot this type of design almost everywhere now. 

She was ahead of the game.

As for the things hitting me pretty damn late, Yea BDia aka BLACK DIAMOND. I am side eyein y'all. Y'all can call yourselves Black Diamond all you want and do your thing, but La and I were the original Black Diamonds. 

Get it? 

                             

                                           We were Black gals... 

                                                                         

                                                                                                 in Diamond gyaru sa.....

Reflections

July 24,2018

Some x from high school cheated on me and that its a dumb as fuck to continue to be with someone who is showing violent tendencies and lack of ambition as a teen, and even worse when you give them chances to get their act together instead of them doing so on their own free will. Even worse when they add up your gyaru peers to spread rumours about you or get others to do their dirty work for him. 

I diverted my attention from what happened and overworked myself to avoid thinking about it fully. Part of that is ok as I didn't allow myself to go back to something undesireable, yet I wasn't fully addressing something at the same time. 

Ive been coming to terms that when he wanted to include my “gal pals” physically in our relationship, he meant it. I’ve been coming to terms that during the summer of 2010, when I called his phone and a woman picked up and told me that she was busy with him, it could have been a woman he was intimate with despite our relationship being monogamous...or at least me being monogamous to him. (apparently there is a term for this in certain circles.... poly-fuckery. You're not really polyamorous- being honest on who you are seeing, you are forcing someone into dealing with you cheating but "not really'. You're welcome for a new vocab word.)

I’ve come to terms that he was scared he would lose his main chick or whatever he considered me as that summer and only pretended to cry so that I would pity him and take him back. I would not be surprised that when we were making our open relationship agreement (so I could actually go on dates because he didnt want to.... when I could have just blocked his number and went on with my college life... ) that he only wanted to be the one to have physical relations with other women and for me to be ok with that because he was cheating on me through those few years. It was like him being able to do as he pleased while I couldn't even get a kiss from a new suitor. (Unfair much?! )

I have been coming to terms with a nerdy woman blurting out to me that they didn't have cooties to me and that they were most likely alluding to them being intimate with my partner, bringing up conversations of having some Asian guy pay her rent (I had a similar convo of my ex wanting to “move in with me”), or her asking me what “size” of a man I liked and that she didn't prefer “small ones”. WEIRD.
 I also am concerned that they were at the clinic I went to when my x blamed me for something (a little before being told that a woman didnt have cooties) . Like , was I being followed there? Was she with my bf at the time when he bitched me out over the phone or something?

Not having the distractions of silly little spats and dealing with all the memories that flood back to me, I just wish I had the answers years ago to avoid working with someone that thinks its ok to do this and smile in my face and try to slip in calling ME a hoe in conversation as if that is empowering me, as if that's what friends/peers/partners in business do. 

But to be able to see how a a sexist guy thinks who wanted to be catered to and have a woman pamper him and buy him clothes without even earning that right... to be called Satan for “cheating” by someone who did so willing flirting with Saint Louis and Chicago acquaintances and calling THEM clingy, telling me i should gain weight to not be considered attractive, who went through my phone AND emails yet never offered to show me who he was messaging or calling... thats embarrassing to think that someone will think that some "history" of being together would allow them to continue this behaviour for another round with not even a true apology? lol. hilarious. 

Thanks for always thinking of me so much. I've been entertained greatly and enjoyed the attention from all the randos. 

Acen!

Acen was just last week, and I enjoyed myself. I met up with a lot of people, took in lots of advice from E and P , and spent time marveling over great cosplays. 

I even helped finalize outfits, and tweaked hair and makeup.

The weekend wasn't too wild or crazy, but it was a little enjoyable. 

Macy's 2017 Bridal Expo

Hello hello! Been booked with projects for a bit but wanted to pop a new post up!

The Macy's Bridal Expo was just a week ago, and it still feels extremely surreal! I got to choose two gowns to model for the event, 1 ball gown with gorgeous, delicate beading being worn for the runway.

Mini Makeup Haul

I haven't done a lot of hauls after post college it seems, but here is another one.
I went shopping one day, and decided to grab a few things to try out.
I usually use brow pencils for my brows but decided to dip my toe into the magical world of eyebrow makeup! I missed the brow mascara craze back in 2011 or so when some gyaru would use it on their brows.

I tried out e.l.f.'s brow kit from Target. Though at times I can't get a very clean cut look with my brows like the pics on Instagram, the kit does a decent job. On no foundation and minimal makeup days, my brows look pretty natural and I'm happy.

Now on to the eyebrow shaping kit... I am not pleased. The scissors are ok at best and a little clumsy, the brush is too stiff and I just have no use for the comb. The attachment to the scissors weren't beneficial at all so they were tossed. The tweezers didn't provide enough grip and I ended up using them for lash application. Thank goodness I have a pair of tweezers that work or I'd be s.o.l.

Until next time! 



Check out my webshop! 20%off on all items! Half the amount on hats will be donated to the Woman's Treatment Center!