Gal Circle Rejection (storytime #1)

Rejection 

Hi Heartlets🫶😈✨

So, have I ever told you that I was rejected from a gyaru circle before?

Those who may see my posts popping up on Twitter may have seen a little bitty post about that regarding my gyaru lifestyle? era? career?

Nick Cave @ Mca

 

A man willing to risk it all for his art. That is the man I went to go see give a talk about his recent installation at the MCA, dear Heartlets🫶😈✨ . Nick Cave's talk has been my 3rd artist talk of the year, and this one called out to me the most. I came across a book with photographs of his body of work and I was intrigued. I liked the playfulness of some of his designs and his take on issues as well. His colourful forms and patterns was refreshing to come across after having instilled the mindset of realism and achieving high levels of detail was most important than the joy one can receive when making artist pieces.

Some of the take aways from this interview was that he believes in working with materials AND people that you trust is so important. Nick also likes to have moments in solitude at his studio even with a team of competent assistants. As time has passed, his art work is still created with found materials from outside. 

One aspect of his workflow that I admire deeply is his ability to jump into a project quickly without much preparation time or materials or the need to transport materials from his studio to an artist residency elsewhere. I am not sure the pace of his workflow, but to be able to not overthink the details so much surprises me. 

Have you seen Nick Cave's body of work before? Share your comments! I'd love to hear from you!

Sept. 17th,2022

 I actually started this post on September 8th... whoops...

Everyone, sorries, some youtube posts weren't uploaded for about two weeks or so..... but, I will still continue the 30day/post challenge!! I had to take care of some paperwork and meetings, as well as tending to some clerical duties for this blog as well.

Things have gotten a little backed up and its eaten away at some of the energy for this blog publishing-wise. I am grateful that I am finalizing some things as they have taken a toll on me and my parents for far too long. Though I am grateful, I have taken a route thinking that I would somehow achieve some dreams not only for myself, but for my parents and great grandmother as well. 

Anyway....

On the 17th at 8pm,well... there was an event at Murasaki sake lounge in the Loop.  Its an intimate, cozy bar to visit if you are in the mood for some Japanese fare and delicious drinks whilst English and Japanese Rhythm and Blues play in the background. If you like and appreciate Japanese culture, food, spirits, and music, and even want to practice your Japanese, I highly recommend it! 

That evening, I spent the time with a fellow University of Chicago Intern and friend over food, live entertainment, The Real Folk Blues and YMCA were a few of the songs. We chatted about travel plans, career goals and perceptions, and looked forward to seeing each other again.

In the meantime, I am going to sip some tea and have a breakfast, get in my stretchies/yoga, and edit several blog posts that I started... like this one for instance.

Until next time,

またね

Morning Walk

I went out today for a brief walk and to enjoy a breakfast of some sort of baked goods and some sunshine.　I bought a croissant, and walked to my favorite spot. I met a man named Jesus who spoke Japanese, English and Spanish! He also asked me if I knew how to speak Italian and French. (I did ask him initially if he spoke Spanish based on his English speaking accent… hopefully that wasn’t rude… I’ll pose that question a little better moving forward. He was surprised I knew a little Japanese and I heard him reply in Japanese, which surprised me! 

今朝、外で出た。散歩して朝食が喜びたかった。クロワッサン買って好きな場所で歩いた。そして日本語、英語とスペイン語できる男の名前はﾍｽﾞｽに会った。あたしに正しい語で「フランスご、イタリア語で話してできる？」と聞いた。まずは、英語で「スペイン語が話してできますか」。多分丁寧じゃ無い。。。ヤバいぃぃ。。。でも、私たちはびっくりした！

The fresh breads of the day/今日の新しいパン

Mr. Turtle！/カメ「亀」さん

He was able to take Japanese classes in his high school in L.A.  So jelly!! But, L.A. has a bigger Japanese population so it’s understandable compared to a predominantly Black/African American high school on the south side of Chicago. Even though the popularity of anime had won the hearts of Black kids of my generation, maybe Japanese people or near fluent non native speakers wouldn’t want to teach in a dodgy, dangerous area… 

Jesusさんは学校で日本語を勉強した。羨ましいぃぃぃけどわかった。L .A.は多い黒人人口いってシカゴの南でより多い日本人がいる。でも、少し黒人子供達はアニメが好き。黒人の心にかんど色々アニメをしたと思う。多分、日本人や日本語できる先生はシカゴの南で行かなかった。。。危ないな町から。。。

I will continue to learn more Spanish words and study more Japanese as well. 

もっとスペイン語の言葉と日本語の文法が勉強して続ける。

Ciao/またね💎

Ashnikko Concert

 Super late post but I enjoyed an Ashnikko concert after her Lollapolooza show.

She’s outspoken, has amazing blue hair and even did a collaboration with Hatsune Miku. What a legend! 

Some of the songs I find quite catchy are Deal With It, Daisy 2.0 and Tantrum. 

Thank you Ashnikko for the amazing energy you brought to Chicago.

Until next time.

En Memoriam Of LicaMica (Trigger warning)

This month, this season has been interesting for me, two years after my sister's death. While some things have been quite fun, I've been thinking about my sister and the relationship that we just didn't fully have for whatever reason and factors that played into that. To have been going through a lot of what had happened alone whilst blogging, YouTubing, making gyaru events, and completing college has been quite a feat. 

I never wanted my sister to die. 

Though we weren't tied at the hip and had our own lives, it pains me that we could not and did not become close. I didn't want her to be continuing on with using hardcore drugs throughout her pregnancy post high school. I didn't like seeing her change and not complete the goals she had for herself. I hated how she made it seem like everything was ok even though it wasn't. Thinking on it these days, maybe she didn't want to make it seem as if things weren't going well for her so I wouldn't judge her. (?)

Having seen her and someone else help her evade DCFS check ins a few times, seeing her punch her pregnant belly, getting glimpses of alarming things and to have it end up in her overdosing and wondering if I had to identify her body and what she looked like after 2 years of not seeing her... it was heavy to take in. It still is. 

Its heavy to take in things like this while pretending everything is ok and as if there aren't things disappointing you and worrying you. While trying to keep up a facade of things going right outside of gal and gamer life/drama/conflict. Its heavy and painful to have someone putting themselves and their children in danger willingly. 

Outside of the painful parts that I've come to terms with, I do my best to appreciate the moments when we had some fun times; when we would watch anime together, the project we worked on, and being happy for her when she had things that weren't harmful to her. 

Perhaps there were unresolved pain or maybe something that made her want to walk in the shoes of someone that did heroin and such. That maybe she wanted to feel invincible despite some health issues and the path she took was one that she thought she could come out of.

There were professionals who knew that the kids were unsafe and had a plan to help her be the mom she wanted/could have been, there should have been more people making it acceptable to use that assistance and not undermine the usefulness. Or if her family or the people she felt were her "saviors" would have guided her away from a life of being another statistic since I've always been told that everyone else has their life together and are oh so Christian and wise.

To keep things positive... she's not in pain anymore and the kids are safe from things they are too innocent to be a part of.  That I had some close friends to bond a little more after with. That she's with mom and other family members...

In due time, this won't hurt so much.  

またね★

IMPORTANT *PLEASE READ

 Good evening to you. 

Despite a lot of years having flown past us all, I wanted to make it clear to you all with my intentions and motives when entering the visual kei/gyaru/jfashion/academic/entrepreneur and anime/gaming scenes, let alone dating, business partnerships and friendships and allies. 

Despite having depression and body/gender image issues, I do not, and repeat, DO NOT condone hatred towards people based on their body type, gender, or race. 

Various comments and such have been made about my character that I do not and did not appreciate. I also do not appreciate giving several members as well as a business partner multiple chances to sit and talk things over that they did not want to complete with me than slandering and defaming me while I do a lot of the admin work to help make things happen.

Questions can be directed to lishamisha22@gmail.com with header "Comments/concerns/questions"

Sincerely,

Lishamisha22/Leo

Antidepressants are Useless?

 Today I read an article regarding depression and the use of antidepressants to treat this common mental disorder. As a person who has had depression before and during my gyaru/alt fashion journey, and has even tried antidepressants as well, this study shocked me! 

These pills (third ranking amongst meds in the US) that commercials promote (in the USA, but not a common finding overseas) and doctors prescribe are to help your brains intake serotonin (happy chemical), but apparently it’s not the lack of it that causes depression. 

Will this be a blow to big pharma and the money they make (a whopping 13.4 BILLION!!) off antidepressants? 

Check out the article: 

https://thehill.com/changing-america/well-being/mental-health/3569506-depression-is-likely-not-caused-by-a-chemical-imbalance-in-the-brain-study-says/amp/

What do you think? 

Ponderings on Sowing Distrust

Good evening. 

There have been times when I wanted to interview or do a quick collaboration with a few people/someone when I had a lot on my plate during my undergraduate program. 

Cool music or vibe, great... yet there is a road block. The middle man  doesn't want me to meet with them, talk to them in person, or doesn't even pass the message along to collab. Or passes other messages or puts words in our mouths instead, creating dissension, distrust and dislike between two people who haven't even gotten to really meet each other to see if they'd click. If you try to talk with that person of interest and vice versa, reality is already skewed and not on your behalf. 

So... who gets stuck with the blame of not going through with someone and highlighting some black girl magic or gets a label as being "lazy" or even "difficult"?

Something to consider for other people who may be in a similar situation.

Black Girl and the “Princess Burikko”

Black Girl was approached by a shorter girl with a princess, burikko type of mentality at an event. This new girl thought she was perfect and decided to pretend to be friends with the black girl. Who didn’t want to be in pictures with someone with a wide audience and who had a connection with a hot, smart, college guy? Think of the likes on new pictures and being praised on being Asian! Think of snatching a guy away from someone! How fun! She thought. 

The Black girl accepted her into the social club, not seeing the real side of things. 

 The “princess” acted chummy with her and the social club, whilst throwing shade at other members who happened to be plus sized, who weren’t arrogant and had passion and real interest in the club. The “Princess” seemed to act like some of the bigger girls should lose weight and seemed to make a big deal out of it while Black Girl seemed to be put off by the remarks, even sticking up for the members that were put down. Why was it "Princess"'s business if they were bigger or not? They weren’t less than, incompetent, or unattractive just because they happened to be bigger! Black Girl didn't stand for that tye of treatment at all. 

Later on, The “Princess” was introduced to the college guy via the other creators of the social group, knowing that the Black Girl liked him. The “Princess” decided to call the other girls “snakes” behind their backs while being the one sleeping with the guy the Black Girl liked. During the same time span, a different guy friend of the other group creators knew the “Princess” from school, and called her a snake as well. The turmoil was too much for Black Girl.  

Months later, the “Princess” befriended the Black Girl’s ex despite him being a cheater and wanting to be a bum… but maybe they were birds of a feather. Not into school or education, but sex, and pretending to be friends with people then ditching them at the worse times.

The girl felt no remorse for betraying the Black Girl and making it seem like it was her fault. After all, why feel guilt when you think it’s ok? She told Black Girl that she was all alone and to just deal with the betrayal caused by people claiming titles of "friendship" and "sisterhood". After all, the “Princess” used her all up, and tossed her aside for someone better who wouldn’t constantly remind her of her behavior. 

Story Series: The Side Girl and the Ex Man

This story series contains contain that may be triggering for some. 

Dating advice pt 1

 Here is a collection of dating tips.

Do’s:

Date someone who supports you, your goals, and your accomplishments. 

Date someone who appreciates you. 

Date someone who doesn’t want you to become more depressed. 

Date someone that doesn’t want to have sex with all your friends. 

Date someone who can leave the relationship without putting all the blame on you.

Date someone who isn’t going to kiss and tell. 

Date someone who isn’t going to cheat on you and tell everyone and their momma that you cheated instead.

Date someone is mature enough to be able to talk out issues in the relationship to resolve them. (Lack of the ability to resolve issues or dismiss them is a sign that they don’t want to change their behaviour and doesn’t care if it affects you. Yes, older men do this too.) 

Don’ts 

Don’t date (or keep dating) someone who will worsen your depression or anxiety. Its a tactic for them to be able to pull the "my ex is crazy card" and discredit you. 

Don’t date someone who will make you feel insecure or enable bad or unhealthy decisions. 

Don’t date someone who will only want you back after you caught them cheating but never made efforts to keep you in the first place.

Don’t date someone who thinks it’s ok to have sex with your friends without your knowledge, or discussion of the do’s and donts of an open relationship.

Don’t date someone who thinks its ok to ruin your career or job status so you can't get away or afford the things you need to live. 

Don’t date someone who pressures you into a relationship too quickly.

Don’t date someone who shows a lack of interest in you. 

Don’t date someone who moves too fast into a relationship. Take it slow.

Cyborg teen titans and music as a crutch

 Cyborg from Teen Titans liking his shining song to open pickle jars and save his friends is so real. Sometimes things need to be a crutch to survive your day to day and get stuff done.   

When I was going to high school, a little before my jfashion beginnings, being on crowded, noisy buses was frustrating and exhausting. Luckily, LicaMica (my little sister), got me an iPod as a present. my walkman would always skip when the bus would pass over bumps and potholes on the road, but Apple’s iPod was a fantastic new piece of technology that my sister introduced me to. And boy! Was it so handy for me. I loaded my favorite Jrock and pop songs from America on it. 

It really helped me out. anyway, until next time!

Graphic Design, Gal, and The Name Game

So, sometimes multitasking keeps me focused on other things until I get time to review them. I am sitting here trying to update my sad lil Behance page with things related to graphic design work, and I just want to nap instead!

ahh.. ol gyaru memories. 

I am glad to have worked with my gal-sa crew over the years. I have not been one to work closely with people in school due to being reserved and also experiencing poor communication between teammates, as well as art times where the work was often dropped in my lap.

Anyway, back on topic, I loved brainstorming what our logo would look like, picking and choosing our circle's name and font to try to lead the style direction we were going for, and seeing how we should design our webpage and agree on copy for the web. 

It amazes me how much graphic design work, creative and artistic direction work had sat in my lap for so long when I helped with the non-event related tasks for Black*Cherry and Gal*Luxy. If I had tied more of my two worlds together a bit more earlier on at Columbia, maybe I would have had more design samples and would have liked the projects a little better. 

Too bad our websites have been deleted off though! boooo!

We picked and chose our font for our logo after deciding on a few names I had come up with for our circle.
I made a video in one of my classes to help promote our circle.

Work by LA 
ACEN 2010 promo

I do not recall when the trend of putting text blatantly on a picture came about, but it is shown here from about May 2010, created by LA. Putting text over an image was a BIIIG no-no in my design classes. 

Ha! 

But you can spot this type of design almost everywhere now. 

She was ahead of the game.

As for the things hitting me pretty damn late, Yea BDia aka BLACK DIAMOND. I am side eyein y'all. Y'all can call yourselves Black Diamond all you want and do your thing, but La and I were the original Black Diamonds. 

Get it? 

                             

                                           We were Black gals... 

                                                                         

                                                                                                 in Diamond gyaru sa.....

Reflections

July 24,2018

Some x from high school cheated on me and that its a dumb as fuck to continue to be with someone who is showing violent tendencies and lack of ambition as a teen, and even worse when you give them chances to get their act together instead of them doing so on their own free will. Even worse when they add up your gyaru peers to spread rumours about you or get others to do their dirty work for him. 

I diverted my attention from what happened and overworked myself to avoid thinking about it fully. Part of that is ok as I didn't allow myself to go back to something undesireable, yet I wasn't fully addressing something at the same time. 

Ive been coming to terms that when he wanted to include my “gal pals” physically in our relationship, he meant it. I’ve been coming to terms that during the summer of 2010, when I called his phone and a woman picked up and told me that she was busy with him, it could have been a woman he was intimate with despite our relationship being monogamous...or at least me being monogamous to him. (apparently there is a term for this in certain circles.... poly-fuckery. You're not really polyamorous- being honest on who you are seeing, you are forcing someone into dealing with you cheating but "not really'. You're welcome for a new vocab word.)

I’ve come to terms that he was scared he would lose his main chick or whatever he considered me as that summer and only pretended to cry so that I would pity him and take him back. I would not be surprised that when we were making our open relationship agreement (so I could actually go on dates because he didnt want to.... when I could have just blocked his number and went on with my college life... ) that he only wanted to be the one to have physical relations with other women and for me to be ok with that because he was cheating on me through those few years. It was like him being able to do as he pleased while I couldn't even get a kiss from a new suitor. (Unfair much?! )

I have been coming to terms with a nerdy woman blurting out to me that they didn't have cooties to me and that they were most likely alluding to them being intimate with my partner, bringing up conversations of having some Asian guy pay her rent (I had a similar convo of my ex wanting to “move in with me”), or her asking me what “size” of a man I liked and that she didn't prefer “small ones”. WEIRD.
 I also am concerned that they were at the clinic I went to when my x blamed me for something (a little before being told that a woman didnt have cooties) . Like , was I being followed there? Was she with my bf at the time when he bitched me out over the phone or something?

Not having the distractions of silly little spats and dealing with all the memories that flood back to me, I just wish I had the answers years ago to avoid working with someone that thinks its ok to do this and smile in my face and try to slip in calling ME a hoe in conversation as if that is empowering me, as if that's what friends/peers/partners in business do. 

But to be able to see how a a sexist guy thinks who wanted to be catered to and have a woman pamper him and buy him clothes without even earning that right... to be called Satan for “cheating” by someone who did so willing flirting with Saint Louis and Chicago acquaintances and calling THEM clingy, telling me i should gain weight to not be considered attractive, who went through my phone AND emails yet never offered to show me who he was messaging or calling... thats embarrassing to think that someone will think that some "history" of being together would allow them to continue this behaviour for another round with not even a true apology? lol. hilarious. 

Thanks for always thinking of me so much. I've been entertained greatly and enjoyed the attention from all the randos.