Hello August

Its a bit surprising that 2014 is more than half over now. 2015 will be on its way, and another year will have passed. It will almost be a year of being out of school come this December. Almost a full year of not being a student and enrolled in classes.

My friend is starting her year of living in Japan now. I look forward to seeing her blog updates and hoping that I too will be able to go on an adventure there.

I'm trying to keep up with post-college stuff, finding work, freelance, and trying to keep myself from drowning in thoughts and neglecting things and looking forward to things that make me happy. Idk, Some days I feel really ambitious, and the ideas and courage come bursting out. Some days, I get discouraged and feel like hikkomori-ing myself in my room for some days.

Its something I am trying to shake off for years now. Get some sort of balance going, keep up that momentum. But it never seems to last too long.

Buuuuut, I have been making and uploading a few new Youtube videos again. I got pretty inspired taking in new music, videos, and also video suggestions from Ultra and Tairen. So I feel pretty good about that! I have some ideas I just need to get out of my head. Cooler ones than just make-up tutorials that I have been doing for a long time. Even though my latest video is a makeup tutorial, it has been sitting for months waiting to be finished. So I guess that's ok. lol

sidenote: There will be a video to piggyback off of my Youtube Welcome video eventually and a video that will be coming out in 16 days! I think it's cool and hope you all will like it too.

Though I like that I am making some new stuff here and there, I feel kind of guilty in a way. I should be focusing my time on job and career stuff. But... it's a part of the creative field... kinda. hahaha.

Lets my mind take a break from staring at words and corporate speak and whatnot.

I have been getting a lot of advice from coworkers, friends, and art buddies. Sometimes its a lot to take in and process with so many other ideas and what not, but I am grateful.

2014.08.03

I went out to eat with a few friends at Strings in Chinatown. It has been a while since I had a decent meal due to being stressed out and what not. (╯︵╰,)

 We also tried the Stringeria, which I think is perfect for summertime sipping. Very fruity ❤

I didn't get enough pictures with Sandra before she left! I loved her outfit and shoes!

My Bowl. Miso Ramen with Pork

SO jelly that I don't have and orgasmic egg in there!! Would have loved to trade it with my corn lol.

 After moseying around in Chinatown and totally missing the snack shop due to closing hours, we headed to Alan's hotel to chill for a few hours.

PARTAY TAIMU

I haven't seen Alan since... last year I think? I thought I would have had to wait to next Acen to chill with him. But I am glad that wasn't the case!

It felt really good to break away from thinking about work and what not and staying indoors. Thanks you all! I really appreciate it. ^w^) Until next time~

Natural Hair Progress

I have never been the one to over perm my hair, or do it frequently. Maybe a few times a year and especially for summer to help combat the humidity on my hair when I style it.

A few years back, I had to take a hiatus on styling my own hair due to a mishap with some over bleached hair and a relaxer. Let's just say that the damage was not sexy at all!

No more blonde bangs, no more relaxing my hair, and eventually, hiding my hair away from using heat a lot so my hair could grow out.

Back then, my hair was barely past my collar bone.

So You Ballsy, huh?

Recently, some guy from some college went "ballsy" on his resume, and BAM! Job offers!

Good for him. But how does that really work in normal life though? Resumes get tossed or overlooked for whatever reason. I get it, hundreds of people trying to fill a couple of positions and a lot will get the boot. A lot of people get rejected. Thats a lot of time searching for the "right" candidate with a piece of paper and words doing the talking for them.

So, if someone else were to take that risk, not make things sounds good or whatever, would they get the same treatment? Or just get their resume tossed in the can instead? Will more companies start looking for this sort of thing? But then things will start to get very monotonous and drab because EVERYONE trying to be "trendy" with their resume. (this is going beyond networking I am assuming too, just resume/cover letter submissions.)

Messages come to me in my life with this sort of thing:
 "Be yourself!" But not really, lol.
 "Believe in yourself!" But not too much. Don't want to seem like a cocky bastard or whatever.
 "Put this on your resume!" Nah... maybe not. Irrelevant shit.
 "This will make you seem interesting!" Or just weird.

I did. Maybe I am not being "ballsy" enough. Or not making things seem that interesting. But, this is for normal people life. Not anything eccentric or artsy. Not companies that will care if I can make content for Youtube or a blog, or draw a pretty picture. (maybe I should be my weirdo self and find these places out or something that would appreciate this!.......)

Even for things eccentric or artsy, I feel that things just don't go "right". Indian guy looking for an assistant, thinks I'm Italian because of my name and the way I sound on the phone, sounds disappointed upon hearing I'm Black.
Try to fit in like its fuckin high school or something with people totally out of my comfort/economic/status zones, and it backfires in my face.

But I keep smiling away, and try to! (imagine eye twitching too, like in animes or something)

I get it, rejection is part of the process. Eventually something will come through. Things don't happen overnight. They wanna see if you will crumble and give up. Eventually it will be the other way around and I will be the one making the choices. Keep truckin. The universe will work itself out. I can laugh about this stuff when I am 30 or 40... But...

wtf. Am I not supposed to do what they say or what I read or something? I took those classes on how to speak to people better and network and listened to what some people had to say to try to do better in situations I am not familiar in and level up on my skills and when I practice some of it.... I feel naive... especially for concentrating more on portfolio pieces. Humans can be so damn confusing sometimes!

I don't want to jinx myself for the future as I am getting sabotaged anyway, but IDK. Normal life, reality.... just kinda sucks up my energy right now and makes no sense, and its tiring.
There is too much to do, too many ideas in my head swirling about, and I am aching.

I wonder if things would have been different if I went out of state for college or something? Left Chicago for a different city or leave the USA all together after graduating?  Or didn't act like myself in job interviews? Or sent out a wacky, ballsy resume to companies.... What if What if What if...

MAN! The possibilities of different paths that could have happened are endless!

In Alice in Wonderland terms... maybe I have to fall down a different rabbit hole for this to make sense or something.

/rant over.

Please enjoy my next post on hair and my newest Youtube tutorial in normal people hours.