Friend/Partner Poaching

Recently on social media, my former feed of pictures of food and statements of "its better being solo than surrounded by people that don't like you" is now filled with random stories about friendship or partner/boyfriend poaching and situations of overly humbling (or outright disrespecting (Black) women (ie. Rihanna x Chris Brown, Beyonce and Jayz, Ciara and that one guy before her current husband Russel) who are successful and the critiques on such circumstances.

This kind of poaching is regarding someone taking your friend and excluding you out of the relationship. Essentially, "stealing" your friend from you. This can also happen when you are dating or in a romantic relationship, and your friend wants to "steal" your partner from you, causing your boyfriend to cheat on you if he has no empathy or respect for you.

Apparently, women who go for married men, or unavailable men feel as if they need to "win" and be better by showing their worth by being able to seduce someone away. They get the feelings of feeling better than you, hotter than you, sexier than you, and this boosts their ego and makes them feel powerful if something is triggering them to feel less than. It is also a breach of trust if this person was considered a friend or claimed to be, and simply is a form of disrespect for boundaries, and a "power move" to become dominant and cause pain to the other party.

As for friendships, I haven't seen a lot on the topic outside of the "stolen" friend having more clout or popularity which makes them seem cool or pretty to be around them, or that the new friend has resources, money, a car, or connections to be used for their own benefit. You are left behind because they didn't want you, but what the people around you can do for them and their social status even if they cannot reciprocate.

How to NOT Dox Yourself

Keeping yourself safe is pretty standard advice.

So is making sure that when you hand your resume to someone who is a complete stranger to you to "fix" that they are someone you trust with that information. A stranger can go and see where you are working, and if you are getting out of an abusive relationship, you don't want that person knowing where you are since they are not capable of respecting your boundaries and treating you with respect.They have the potential and will/might just cause drama with the people around you and get you fired. A stranger who may be a win-at-all-costs sadistic, bruised ego type can have access to your references that may have loved you and your work ethic before, and "furnace your references".

Get it? Like, you can furnish or provide the references but those same people can have the relationship bridge be "furnaced"... like burnt. Scorched earth, burned bridges... no more friends...no support system....(geez... at least chuckle a little... i'll take a groan or rolled eyes.... lol)

Anyway, that bridge to your reference helping you out will be burned by a stranger pretending to help you... JUST FOR YOU! You didn't need them anyway! Because why have people make sure you can keep a roof over your head when you can struggle instead? Why have people be concerned for your wellbeing when you can have those people ignoring you when they said that you can always visit them and count on them? Who needs references and peers from top universities or colleagues granting a good word or business oppurtunities? Certainly not you!

Oh wait... you actually want those references and need a good word put in for you to advocate for your personality or work ethic? Then make sure who ever is working on your resume actually is trusted, or just look on google for some templates and examples. Sometimes a basic resume is better to land the job of your dreams than one barely being edited that hinders your ability to freely choose a career or job of your choice.

Donations can be sent to my paypal account to support the blog. Unless you want to stay anonymous to be safe, written thank you will be in the next post.

What Would You Do? Scapegoat Edition

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So.... what does one do when you make acquaintances with people that hate who you are as a person and can only downplay your achievements, never congratulate you, never be happy for you about anything. What do you do when these random people who smile at you and then get in the way of your career centered connections or even followers and act as if they don't know what they are doing but still want to be in your pictures and blog because its somewhat "popular" at the time or want you to devote all your time for no monetary compensation for "exposure"?(And the kind of exposure that helps you land customers or help you out, but it just "exposes" all the "negative" things you've said or done so people will end up not supporting your efforts. That you become isolated and can't even hustle to bring in money for basic needs, a sort of financial abuse if you will.)

Apparently, hanging out with them and giving them the benefit of a doubt time and time again doesn't work, nor humbling yourself so much so it makes people comfortable. Apparently, collaborating with them, does not work, nor changing the subject when there are topics I don't like come up. Apparently, keeping them close gives them oppurtunities to use my name and connection to discredit me or say anything negative to anyone that would listen and have it seem credible because of being "friends" on facebook, or to propell themselves farther. I word that someone told me was "oppurtunistic". Apparenty, Burberry handbags, that may or may not be authentic, are apologies for actions that are never fully rectified and never will be because thats who they are. This is what I learned, slowly but surely over those long 14 years. Being told I was being scapegoated for someone else's problems that were there before I met them.

Apparently, the actions that I have taken 14 years ago after becoming single and creating a few groups to help the main group's goals I was in, and continuing on with acquantainces that were in love with someone who was extremely incompatible with me did more harm than good as a gaijin gyaru/alternative fashion blogger and hobbyist was NOT the best course of action.

It is interesting being reduced to a sex object by women so concerned about that facet of my life while I was more interested in creating art and finishing college. That these strangers, random people, will never see me as the college student and artist that I was at the time delving into online communties. It is interesting never speaking my mind about those situations, thinking that if I wasn't getting flustered, that I could focus on something else. No, these strangers SEE that I do art, creating hairpieces and etc... but they don't want to acknowledge and hate that I am able to do those things.

What I've learned its... Moving on is great even after realizing that things are not going as planned, but not when you inadvertedly dox yourself by giving someone your resume that is not helping you in the gaming/gal/regular community and never will because they don't want you to make profits. Moving on is great when you aren't adding people who are being disrespectful to you. Moving on is great when you don't tell people whwere you work or go to school when you have a somewhat initially strong online presence. Moving on is great when you can make sure that no one is sabotaging your personal life and your regular jobs. Moving on is great when you aren't opening yourself and your personal life up to people that want to say horrible things to the people who are employing you so that your support system falls away or starts treating you horribly as well. "Snubbing..." right?

What I've learned is that some people will never apologize for the things they have said, nor the actions they have done. They want to appear perfect to everyone despite everything that has happened, or want me to simply forget or otherwise... That they NEED someone so desperately to hold all these negative attributes for them. THEY cannot be overly sexual even if they are, because that doesn't align with their image they want people to believe. Someone else has to hold the burden, even unwittingly, as the sex symbol or promiscuous being. That me actually learning how to code, even just a bit, me actually knowing how to paint, going to college, continuing my education etc, is destroying the new image for me they are telling people about which would make them liars, haters, or just people who blurt out career destroying things.

If they were friends, wouldn't they come to me about our personal business and NOT spread "my" information to strangers in secret groups? If they were really friends, wouldn't they be bragging about my accomplishments? When did friends just want to humble you so much and make you out to be some monster who can't learn and NEED people to hate? To scapegoat and project all their issues on someone that would constantly come back and not question their actions? WHen did breaking up with someone become so troublesome? When has it been ok to tell private things or seemingly private things to strangers that you cant go to the person and seem to want to still have them around at the same time? Or is to ruin the "clout" and "popularity" i had so THEY wouldn't be overthrown or because they feel as if they were? I wonder who knows....

Have people been that hungry and entitled to attention and compliments and validation, and I just overlooked it? Did speaking negatively about me cure them of their issues or just gave them some sadistic pleasure to fiddle themselves at night?

Its a compliment to know that some people will always speak bad about me and have me be at the topic of their conversations if it helps soothe a bruised ego. Its weird, but a compliment and sense of odd validation that feels much stronger than inspiring people to dress in Jfashion, or get into gal to make a new gyaru circle that would overtake a group that should have never been, or being called pretty after caking on layers of make up and several pairs of eyelashes. Its more of a compliment than your hot crush wanting to kiss you at a mini after party after your so called "friend" claims she had a miscarriage with his baby and has been living under him not wanting to work. So, thank you acquaintaces for giving me the best validation of my life, despite it hindering finding regular work and people believing that we were actually close friends than people getting to know each other.

Life is strange.

Donations can be sent to my paypal account to support the blog. Unless you want to stay anonymous to be safe, written thank you will be in the next post..