What Would You Do? Scapegoat Edition

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So.... what does one do when you make acquaintances with people that hate who you are as a person and can only downplay your achievements, never congratulate you, never be happy for you about anything. What do you do when these random people who smile at you and then get in the way of your career centered connections or even followers and act as if they don't know what they are doing but still want to be in your pictures and blog because its somewhat "popular" at the time or want you to devote all your time for no monetary compensation for "exposure"?(And the kind of exposure that helps you land customers or help you out, but it just "exposes" all the "negative" things you've said or done so people will end up not supporting your efforts. That you become isolated and can't even hustle to bring in money for basic needs, a sort of financial abuse if you will.)

Apparently, hanging out with them and giving them the benefit of a doubt time and time again doesn't work, nor humbling yourself so much so it makes people comfortable. Apparently, collaborating with them, does not work, nor changing the subject when there are topics I don't like come up. Apparently, keeping them close gives them oppurtunities to use my name and connection to discredit me or say anything negative to anyone that would listen and have it seem credible because of being "friends" on facebook, or to propell themselves farther. I word that someone told me was "oppurtunistic". Apparenty, Burberry handbags, that may or may not be authentic, are apologies for actions that are never fully rectified and never will be because thats who they are. This is what I learned, slowly but surely over those long 14 years. Being told I was being scapegoated for someone else's problems that were there before I met them.

Apparently, the actions that I have taken 14 years ago after becoming single and creating a few groups to help the main group's goals I was in, and continuing on with acquantainces that were in love with someone who was extremely incompatible with me did more harm than good as a gaijin gyaru/alternative fashion blogger and hobbyist was NOT the best course of action.

It is interesting being reduced to a sex object by women so concerned about that facet of my life while I was more interested in creating art and finishing college. That these strangers, random people, will never see me as the college student and artist that I was at the time delving into online communties. It is interesting never speaking my mind about those situations, thinking that if I wasn't getting flustered, that I could focus on something else. No, these strangers SEE that I do art, creating hairpieces and etc... but they don't want to acknowledge and hate that I am able to do those things.

What I've learned its... Moving on is great even after realizing that things are not going as planned, but not when you inadvertedly dox yourself by giving someone your resume that is not helping you in the gaming/gal/regular community and never will because they don't want you to make profits. Moving on is great when you aren't adding people who are being disrespectful to you. Moving on is great when you don't tell people whwere you work or go to school when you have a somewhat initially strong online presence. Moving on is great when you can make sure that no one is sabotaging your personal life and your regular jobs. Moving on is great when you aren't opening yourself and your personal life up to people that want to say horrible things to the people who are employing you so that your support system falls away or starts treating you horribly as well. "Snubbing..." right?

What I've learned is that some people will never apologize for the things they have said, nor the actions they have done. They want to appear perfect to everyone despite everything that has happened, or want me to simply forget or otherwise... That they NEED someone so desperately to hold all these negative attributes for them. THEY cannot be overly sexual even if they are, because that doesn't align with their image they want people to believe. Someone else has to hold the burden, even unwittingly, as the sex symbol or promiscuous being. That me actually learning how to code, even just a bit, me actually knowing how to paint, going to college, continuing my education etc, is destroying the new image for me they are telling people about which would make them liars, haters, or just people who blurt out career destroying things.

If they were friends, wouldn't they come to me about our personal business and NOT spread "my" information to strangers in secret groups? If they were really friends, wouldn't they be bragging about my accomplishments? When did friends just want to humble you so much and make you out to be some monster who can't learn and NEED people to hate? To scapegoat and project all their issues on someone that would constantly come back and not question their actions? WHen did breaking up with someone become so troublesome? When has it been ok to tell private things or seemingly private things to strangers that you cant go to the person and seem to want to still have them around at the same time? Or is to ruin the "clout" and "popularity" i had so THEY wouldn't be overthrown or because they feel as if they were? I wonder who knows....

Have people been that hungry and entitled to attention and compliments and validation, and I just overlooked it? Did speaking negatively about me cure them of their issues or just gave them some sadistic pleasure to fiddle themselves at night?

Its a compliment to know that some people will always speak bad about me and have me be at the topic of their conversations if it helps soothe a bruised ego. Its weird, but a compliment and sense of odd validation that feels much stronger than inspiring people to dress in Jfashion, or get into gal to make a new gyaru circle that would overtake a group that should have never been, or being called pretty after caking on layers of make up and several pairs of eyelashes. Its more of a compliment than your hot crush wanting to kiss you at a mini after party after your so called "friend" claims she had a miscarriage with his baby and has been living under him not wanting to work. So, thank you acquaintaces for giving me the best validation of my life, despite it hindering finding regular work and people believing that we were actually close friends than people getting to know each other.

Life is strange.

Donations can be sent to my paypal account to support the blog. Unless you want to stay anonymous to be safe, written thank you will be in the next post..

Values, Failures, Mission Statement

Good evening! How are you? Are you doing alright after the pandemic and with all the chaos going on in the world? Are you doing alright with your work load or with the topics you are studying?

You know...this blog was generally centered around various aspects of my days throughout college, events I hosted with others, or what I found cool. However, it didn't allow much in the ways of getting to see your perspectives and such. And for that, I apologize. I did want to share with you some things. My content, projects and such were also a space for me to showcase the values that I held and not just cutely decorated nails, convention coverage and Jfashion trends. I thought that I was getting the message across and being open and accepting to the people around me despite the differences.

Looking back,one of the things I failed at was that I saw that I was NOT typing or verbally expressing them like I should in moments that occured. Redirecting conversations and not adding in comments is great, however, I did not fully get the message across. This caused a lot of misinterpretiations in and out of relationships with new acquantances and that can and possibly did reach others before they spoke with me which caused 2 things:

1. Me not being able to share my side or question the validity of what was said.

2. Not given the chance to apologize and talk it out with the persons who I seemed to offend who did not want to tell me but to broadcast it to others despite me having a policy of talking things out for clarification and improving relations.

A few more failures:

Not clarifying what I wanted in my relationships boundary wise; personal and professional, led to a lot of failures. Not stating who was actually a PR Person or not and the stance for my content and brand with them. Overlooking conflict in my personal/private relationship that I did not tend to in a timely manner which affected a multitude of connections. Not considering what a competitor told me; "You can't build a business with "friends"", and not questioning what they meant and how it would affect the projects I was collaborating on.

This has all been an interesting journey.

We deserve love - Anti Latinx/poc hate, fatphobia is not tolerated here

 For the most of us, we can all agree that we should all be able to be respected for who were are when it comes to our ethnicities, body types and for the languages that we speak beyond English and to have healthy high self esteem. We can also agree that the people who we follow or get involved with or who seek us out should have our best interests at heart and not play on our fears and insecurities. When we clarify and connect, we use our own thinking skills and avoid things damaging our self esteem and losing people who support us.  Some people are desperate to divide us by any means necessary to conquer and be perceived as perfect, popular and powerful. They use our bickering,pettiness, our falling outs, and even negative emotions to be able to do accomplish this because they fear us having a strong support group and potentially “losing”. 

More info on how this is achieved is below  ⬇️ 

-take the spotlight off of them and any negative actions they caused before throwing someone under the bus for fun/survival

-to throw someone under the bus, undermine their work and effort and silence them

-the reason why they brought up negativity in the first place  

-to create an enemy of a secret rival and to seem perfect to someone else’s audience and connections

-to keep their hands “clean” while others do their dirty work

-to avoid accountability (there is too much chaos happening.)

-to erode trust in between friends, fans, etc

-to not “lose” to someone they seem a rival 

This is a common tactic for rivals in and out of the game of politics which includes competing businesses and even relationships. 

This can cause one person or group to seem hateful and the other party to partake in actions that can create a negative response that can lead to a reaction that fulfills a prophecy as well as dividing groups and friendships and ruining trust.go

 It amplifies ordinary actions or lying about them and makes people take things out of proportion and to make something out of nothing without you using your own mind and skills for doing your own due diligence (asking for facts, clarity, even having that other party there to tell the side of their own story). 

When we take the time to think for ourselves and ask questions about their intent (doing our due diligence to make informed choices), we can overcome the hurdles of broken relationships, self esteem  and find common points to clarify and conmect. This can be scary for some people who rely on these tactics for power and popularity and winning at all costs. 

Anti Latinx or poc hate is not tolerated here

You know that at a certain distance, you might recognize someone or not by their gait or body type? Or if you didn’t know some groups of people could be taller or shorter and all that or that there could be similarities etc??I had an experience with that once, and it backfired on me and I didn’t have a chance to explain or even apologize or get some sort of  clarification. Especially to the people that mattered the most to me. 

I recall seeing someone that I THOUGHT was a Hispanic student at my school (the ones I knew were built muscular and that’s what I knew and saw during that time in my life. ) I didn’t realize until later that the particular person weren’t Hispanic at all,but that did not deter me from wanting to get to know them. 

I thought “oh! Didn’t know. (Moving on, new info acquired❣️),” and that person didn’t fit a certain mold (or stereotype either.) That helped me change my view on that, and I didn’t think that mistaking them for hispanic was a bad thing. When I started to have Latino friends I WAS made aware that you shouldn’t mix up the different Latino cultures/races and was thankful for that despite only knowing Mexican students in a class. 

I even brought it up when me and the male individual I mistook as Hispanic started talking because I thought it was silly of me and it was like one of those “how did you meet moments”. I didn’t know that they would find it insulting later on (even though they would tell me that other Mexicans thought he was one of them as well and they liked that he could speak some Spanish which made him happy and I suppose feel included. 

After 2010/2011 or so til a current interview I had, with a lot of other things in the middle of that time -being an entrepreneur or trying, my moms cancer diagnosis and death, not trying to drop out of school or fail due to my moms health,and taking a loss from a relationship, people started to hint at that I didn’t like Mexicans or Latinx people or Spanish language. It wasn’t as prevelant as it is now , but I found it odd. 

I did have someone tell me something’s that I didn’t agree with regarding Latinx men in 2010 ish, and i wasn’t as verbal and pushy on telling them that I will NOT have someone as a friend etc in my life that held that view. I also was focused more on “(poc) gal/alt fashion is life” than blantant anti racism advocacy. 

I didnt understand the context at the time of a low key phrasing, and though me and a woman were not friends and tried to do business collabs, I noticed that people treated me differently, thinking we were besties because we took a couple of pix together. Or that someone else could have misconstrued my words to only cast me in a negative light when we were not a good fit for each other and I wanted to move on whether or not I’d be cast as the villain for moving on. 

My Latinx friends that I respected, and even wished I was as talented and entrepreneurial like they were started to view me differently despite me never disrespecting them or having body language that showed I didn’t like their language. I didn’t want to be depressed and stressed out and not enjoy their company or feel like the sad Debbie downer with them. I couldn’t even enjoy the family summertime lunch I was invited to because of all the rumors and things I thought I could deal with on my own. 

If I could go back in time, it would have been lovely to clarify to them what I meant and not have people and even hiring managers think that I find other languages offensive due to someone misconstruing what I said when I wasn’t rejecting them based on race or looks. It would have been great to have been given space to rectify the situation one on one with them than hearing a rumor that I didn’t know where it could have came from at the time. 

I have to do better at advocating for my brothers and sisters of various races. We are all individuals after all and stereotypes and generalizations are hurtful, dehumanizing and  lazy. 

Afromexican article that you must read!

 Check out this amazing article from Black Girl Nerds on AfroLatinx people and history!!

https://blackgirlnerds.com/10-things-you-didnt-know-about-afro-mexicans/?fbclid=IwAR0B0-V1U2MsKn3xNSkoGdBscw9hX-35CTT2eClp8Q-W46Dn3pRawdQZgc4&mibextid=Zxz2cZ

 Sometimes the media or history books won’t tell you everything, and you have to have some experiences and get out to know and learn of new things. 

Growing up, telemundo was my initial liaison into some Spanish media/pop culture. They never (or at least rarely , it’s been YEARS since I was an active tv watcher in general, and I am not fond of making generalizations) showcased darker skinned Latinx people, let alone historical figures.

It seemed at the time for me, that Latinx people were only of light complexion since that was what I could see. As a kid, I don’t think I can even recall any celebs that were AfroLatinx, compared to when I had switched over into all the jpop stuff and being acquainted with Crystal Kay and some of her songs. 

I wonder how I would have felt if, even as a black American, how I’d react knowing that Spaniards, Mexicans etc were darker or had Afro decent than just what happened on plantations, or in places where the people are obviously Black from the Slave trade (the places that were covered mainly in the books I read) 

So, I am pretty grateful to be able to come across this article and learn new things about this world and the people on it. Things that have been kept hidden due to what schools WANT and being paid for us to know. I am sure that AfroLatinx kids can feel more included and special with info like this around too! ✨

Changes

 Currently revamping things for this new year so old posts and such aren’t available at this time. 

YouTube videos have followed suit as well, but I appreciate the comments and views that I received over the years when embarking on a journey of self discovery. That included my own fashion adventures and mishaps, as well as meeting people and coordinating events and learning about what it takes to be a gyaru or be in a group, let alone becoming a leader and group manager/coordinator and understanding what that entails from the ground up. It’s a lot of work and not just super kawaii sparklyness when you want to surpass just hanging out, to something that can be self sustainable and long lasting for ourselves and the community at large.   

This has tested me in ways that I would have never known it would, as I saw the fun clothes and sparklyness and happy fun times and just had that at the forefront of my mind than just studying and making grades. 

I am grateful for the lessons learned throughout all this, even when I didn’t understand it all at the time. 

Thank you

Maxwell band night (to be re-edited.... with photos...)

  

At Elastic Arts Maxwell-Thomas had a show. It was my first time hearing about them.

The played closer, paradise, and Hollywood. They did a cover of a good fighters song as well as A little info I found to read with to you:

 About the band

Maxwell-Thomas

Maxwell-Thomas is a post-grunge, alternative rock collective led by songwriter, Stephen Mortensen. From its debut release in 2010, the 6-song EP, “The Ghosts I’ve Touched” to 2021’s full album, “Daisuki Baby,” Maxwell-Thomas has had numerous friends and collaborators touch its music. In 2022, the band finds its current line up energized by the eclectic drum stylings of Jun Takanarita, the dirty guitar slinging of Quinn Dean, and the pounding, pulsating rhythms of bassist, Tim Schiltz. Motivated by one passion, the desire to rock, Maxwell-Thomas finds itself at a career-peak as the group perfects an all killer, no filler set list. Taking inspiration from artists like Foo Fighters, the Pillows, and even iconic video game soundtracks such as “The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time” and “Persona 5,” Maxwell-Thomas is intent on delivering a performance that is tight, polished, and brimming with electricity. Stream Maxwell-Thomas anywhere you find digital music. Search “Mistreat Me” or “Scattered” to hear fan favorites.

—-

The opener was Bass-, one of their songs had me envisioning a high speed car chase for all the wrong reasons set in the 70’s with a slight sepia tone tinge. 

Miyavi 20year Anniversary Tour

Photo Credit AXS.com

My YouTube channel wasn’t the only anniversary celebration to be had this year as Miyavi, a well known Japanese-Korean rockstar from Japan, was celebrating his 20 years as a guitarist and entertainer this year. People who may not be familiar with Jrock or the Visual Kei scene may recognize him in movies such as Maleficent, Unbroken, or the show Arcane. I haven't seen any of these yet.. so don't spoil it too much! ;)

The concert was brought to us all by Dell and their campaign “ #Youniverse”.

On a blustery October 17th, I went to his concert held at Cobra Lounge for the first time in my life and it was a splendid treat to experience his stage presence IRL. In the middle of the show, he asked a fan "What the fuck took you so long?!" Even though it wasn't directed at me, it was an extremely good and valid question. How does someone that had listened to his music and almost went to his concert years ago NEVER go to one of their favorite Jrocker's events? Ever?

Baffling. I know. 

I was hoping that he’d play a few of my all time favorites like Girls be Ambitious… and he did! I was elated as I thought that maybe he would only play current songs and may not go that far back in his discography. It was one of the songs my brother got for me that I enjoyed with my little sister sometime before high school. (My brother helped us get started and the hook up on some Jpop culture bits here and there...) 

Feeling the music start up and his husky voice reverberating throughout my being, the tears that welled up in my eyes whilst recording the song, a knot in my throat choking up my words as so many memories of being with my little sister and fawning over Jrockers and Jfashion and punk/metal aesthetics came flooding back to me. 

To be in the moment, being overtaken by the waves of Miyavi's music, and being bathed in soft, colourful lights, it felt like being revived from an earlier checkpoint in life. It felt a little lonely being there, as I would have loved to rock out with LicaMica... but it felt good to be around such energetic and vibrant people and being able to enjoy a Jrock moment with them. Maybe... I entered Jrock heaven again.... 

Thank you Miyavi Ishihara for an amazing night. I am glad I made an effort to come out the house and see you live. I look forward to watching the films you're in as well as your next concert. Take care and enjoy your tour.

☆

Gal Circle Rejection (storytime #1)

Rejection 

So, have I ever told you that I was rejected from a gyaru circle before?

Those who may see my posts popping up on Twitter may have seen a little bitty post about that regarding my gyaru lifestyle? era? career?

When I was transitioning into a gyaru, I thought it would be fun to meet up with others who were into the style as well to help hold myself accountable even more. Being a pa-gyaru (fake, or poser gyaru) was a no-go. Even though I had friends who didn't mind my style, I wanted to test out the gyaru circle lifestyle to see how I would measure up. 

I remember applying to Angeleek (Japan's BIGGEST and most well-known gyaru circle) with an introduction done with Google Translator because my Japanese was far too basic at the time. It was a shot in the dark but I tried. As I spent time on Ricochet, I reviewed the available gyaru circles with a focus on the Midwest area of America. At the time, I considered Bulaklak or a different circle with one of those members as well as Chicago's first gyaru sa, Kamikaze Girls, Chicago Diamond gyaru L.A.'s first gyaru circle. 

I can't remember the full reason for my rejection, but I have some assumptions. One could be that I was still fairly new to the scene and lifestyle. One assumption that came to mind in recent years was that maybe I wasn't too liked despite my standing in the online-based community upon my arrival. 

That rejection made me want to work harder on my style since I could see what I could improve on. One of those factors was wearing heels. This clumsy girl who'd trip over her own size 10 feet? hrm.... 

Nick Cave @ Mca

 

A man willing to risk it all for his art. That is the man I went to go see give a talk about his recent installation at the MCA. Nick Cave's talk has been my 3rd artist talk of the year, and this one called out to me the most. I came across a book with photographs of his body of work and I was intrigued. I liked the playfulness of some of his designs and his take on issues as well. His colourful forms and patterns was refreshing to come across after having instilled the mindset of realism and achieving high levels of detail was most important than the joy one can receive when making artist pieces.

Some of the take aways from this interview was that he believes in working with materials AND people that you trust is so important. Nick also likes to have moments in solitude at his studio even with a team of competent assistants. As time has passed, his art work is still created with found materials from outside. 

One aspect of his workflow that I admire deeply is his ability to jump into a project quickly without much preparation time or materials or the need to transport materials from his studio to an artist residency elsewhere. I am not sure the pace of his workflow, but to be able to not overthink the details so much surprises me. 

Have you seen Nick Cave's body of work before? Share your comments! I'd love to hear from you!

Morning Walk

I went out today for a brief walk and to enjoy a breakfast of some sort of baked goods and some sunshine.　I bought a croissant, and walked to my favorite spot. I met a man named Jesus who spoke Japanese, English and Spanish! He also asked me if I knew how to speak Italian and French. (I did ask him initially if he spoke Spanish based on his English speaking accent… hopefully that wasn’t rude… I’ll pose that question a little better moving forward. He was surprised I knew a little Japanese and I heard him reply in Japanese, which surprised me! 

今朝、外で出た。散歩して朝食が喜びたかった。クロワッサン買って好きな場所で歩いた。そして日本語、英語とスペイン語できる男の名前はﾍｽﾞｽに会った。あたしに正しい語で「フランスご、イタリア語で話してできる？」と聞いた。まずは、英語で「スペイン語が話してできますか」。多分丁寧じゃ無い。。。ヤバいぃぃ。。。でも、私たちはびっくりした！

The fresh breads of the day/今日の新しいパン

Mr. Turtle！/カメ「亀」さん

He was able to take Japanese classes in his high school in L.A.  So jelly!! But, L.A. has a bigger Japanese population so it’s understandable compared to a predominantly Black/African American high school on the south side of Chicago. Even though the popularity of anime had won the hearts of Black kids of my generation, maybe Japanese people or near fluent non native speakers wouldn’t want to teach in a dodgy, dangerous area… 

Jesusさんは学校で日本語を勉強した。羨ましいぃぃぃけどわかった。L .A.は多い黒人人口いってシカゴの南でより多い日本人がいる。でも、少し黒人子供達はアニメが好き。黒人の心にかんど色々アニメをしたと思う。多分、日本人や日本語できる先生はシカゴの南で行かなかった。。。危ないな町から。。。

I will continue to learn more Spanish words and study more Japanese as well. 

もっとスペイン語の言葉と日本語の文法が勉強して続ける。

Ciao/またね💎

Ashnikko Concert

 Super late post but I enjoyed an Ashnikko concert after her Lollapolooza show.

She’s outspoken, has amazing blue hair and even did a collab with Hatsune Miku. What a legend! 

Some of the songs I find quite catchy are Deal With It, Daisy 2.0 and Tantrum. 

Thank you Ashnikko for the amazing energy you brought to Chicago.

Until next time.

En Memoriam Of LicaMica (Trigger warning)

This month, this season has been interesting for me, two years after my sister's death. While some things have been quite fun, I've been thinking about my sister and the relationship that we just didn't fully have for whatever reason and factors that played into that. To have been going through a lot of what had happened alone whilst blogging, YouTubing, making gyaru events, and completing college has been quite a feat. 

I never wanted my sister to die. 

Though we weren't tied at the hip and had our own lives, it pains me that we could not and did not become close. I didn't want her to be continuing on with using hardcore drugs throughout her pregnancy post high school. I didn't like seeing her change and not complete the goals she had for herself. I hated how she made it seem like everything was ok even though it wasn't. Thinking on it these days, maybe she didn't want to make it seem as if things weren't going well for her so I wouldn't judge her. (?)

Having seen her and someone else help her evade DCFS check ins a few times, seeing her punch her pregnant belly, getting glimpses of alarming things and to have it end up in her overdosing and wondering if I had to identify her body and what she looked like after 2 years of not seeing her... it was heavy to take in. It still is. 

Its heavy to take in things like this while pretending everything is ok and as if there aren't things disappointing you and worrying you. While trying to keep up a facade of things going right outside of gal and gamer life/drama/conflict. Its heavy and painful to have someone putting themselves and their children in danger willingly. 

Outside of the painful parts that I've come to terms with, I do my best to appreciate the moments when we had some fun times; when we would watch anime together, the project we worked on, and being happy for her when she had things that weren't harmful to her. 

Perhaps there were unresolved pain or maybe something that made her want to walk in the shoes of someone that did heroin and such. That maybe she wanted to feel invincible despite some health issues and the path she took was one that she thought she could come out of.

There were professionals who knew that the kids were unsafe and had a plan to help her be the mom she wanted/could have been, there should have been more people making it acceptable to use that assistance and not undermine the usefulness. Or if her family or the people she felt were her "saviors" would have guided her away from a life of being another statistic since I've always been told that everyone else has their life together and are oh so Christian and wise.

To keep things positive... she's not in pain anymore and the kids are safe from things they are too innocent to be a part of.  That I had some close friends to bond a little more after with. That she's with mom and other family members...

In due time, this won't hurt so much.  

またね★

IMPORTANT *PLEASE READ

 Good evening to you. 

Despite a lot of years having flown past us all, I wanted to make it clear to you all with my intentions and motives when entering the visual kei/gyaru/jfashion/academic/entrepreneur and anime/gaming scenes, let alone dating, business partnerships and friendships and allies. 

Despite having depression and body/gender image issues, I do not, and repeat, DO NOT condone hatred towards people based on their body type, gender, or race. 

Various comments and such have been made about my character that I do not and did not appreciate. I also do not appreciate giving several members as well as a business partner multiple chances to sit and talk things over that they did not want to complete with me than slandering and defaming me while I do a lot of the admin work to help make things happen.

Questions can be directed to lishamisha22@gmail.com with header "Comments/concerns/questions"

Sincerely,

Lishamisha22/Leo

Antidepressants are Useless?

 Today I read an article regarding depression and the use of antidepressants to treat this common mental disorder. As a person who has had depression before and during my gyaru/alt fashion journey, and has even tried antidepressants as well, this study shocked me! 

These pills (third ranking amongst meds in the US) that commercials promote (in the USA, but not a common finding overseas) and doctors prescribe are to help your brains intake serotonin (happy chemical), but apparently it’s not the lack of it that causes depression. 

Will this be a blow to big pharma and the money they make (a whopping 13.4 BILLION!!) off antidepressants? 

Check out the article: 

https://thehill.com/changing-america/well-being/mental-health/3569506-depression-is-likely-not-caused-by-a-chemical-imbalance-in-the-brain-study-says/amp/

What do you think?