Dear Ash Woods

Sometimes we meet people who are so inspiritional and bring some light into our hearts. Even though some relationships don't last, their impact certainly can.

 When I was blogging a lot back in the day, around 2009 or so, and trying my best to overcome feelings from a relationship, I met someone who had similar interests with anime and such. Ashley Woods was her name, and she had made her own comic book, and even cosplayed as her own character! I thought that was so cool! When we finally met at an anime convention, we chilled for a bit. And later on,  she introduced me to some woman that kept messaging me on fb to meet me but I felt a better connection with Ashley. She had a great sense of humor, extremely talented, geeky and a lot like a big sister that I never had.

We spent time gaming, talking about anime, she got a peek into gal activities, I got to see her working hard, watching movies, talking about other interests too. It helped bring joy into my life.

But, I lost this friendship a little before my mom passed in 2013. Ashley had a professionally centered falling out with a girl that had become our mutual, (naming her “Coo”, aka the woman messaging me on fb.) She told me she deleted video content on “Coo’s” site that she worked on in protest. I was confused, but knew enough that it’s terrible to work hard on something and see your efforts get snatched away by someone else. Not to downgrade the work Ash did, but geez... she couldnt even get a consolation prize from the bigger company due to her work? 

Though I didn’t meant to side with the other chick, Coo, I never heard about anything like that before. Why would her friend betray her like that? After all the hard work she put in? Why did Ash tell me that the Coo stole her musical artist friend and shut Ash out? What did it mean that someone JUST wanted people in her audience? What? Was I a prop? 

Some time later when I was with Coo and then one of Coo’s subordinates, they wanted me to believe that Ash was mean for taking down the content, but never mentioned the compensation being the reason for it.  I guess they wanted me to side with them, and diss Ash for being “rude” and “unreasonable.” Mind you, these ladies were at least 25 or so while I was 21. 

This made me feel uncomfortable because Ash told me what was up, and eventually Coo and her sub dropped the issue when They might have figured out I knew more to the story. 

It made me feel uncomfortable at the time when I felt like things could be amended. 

I was even told to cut contact with Coo as well around 2011 early 2012.  After all, she seemed focused on reiterating that one of her group members who was a stripper would be exposed (to my knowledge, there were no strippers in her group at all. Weird.) I thought to myself  amidst of the turmoil I found myself in: <I>Why arent you advocating for them? If you claim they don’t want anybody to know, why aren’t you doing anything to protect them? </i> I let the conversation go and eventually hung up.

At the time, I was confused and even more so during a time when my mother’s cancer was worsening. I thought that I could try to keep things professional and have a nice collab with the group I was in and just keep it that way (the thing with Ash not fully sticking in my mind. Maybe I thought Coo would grow from it?) Would any compensation for the blogging I did be taken and I wouldn’t see anything for my efforts? I wasn’t exactly her friend, just a person blogging for her and taking a few selfies or whatever. After all, there was some minuscule  compensation ...I guess (non monetary for a long while). But also confused when I was told it was a non profit yet there were so many investors for Coo’s group. Huh? 

In the fall of 2013, my mom passed. Ash had known about her before this time and was the only person in my life that had really stepped up when I needed her. No one else that I associated with did (Even getting radio silence when I told our (formal) mutual Coo that I would need to take time off fir working on her projects due to losing my mom in 2013. ) When I felt down from seeing my mom get sicker, Ash was there. She was the type of person that definitely made sure you were good and in a way that was authentic.  But, I lost that friendship a while ago by hanging on to the person that betrayed her. I was confused, unsure of my decision in that regard and really let that ball drop. 

Ashley knew better and was a lot stronger in her decision making with that. In hindsight , She wasn’t going to allow someone to keep screwing her and potentially her career over. She also didn’t have a lot of dramatic things and plans constantly failing etc to keep her off her decision making. 

She was the big sister I never had and the only person that I feel had some of my best interests at heart. 

She knew. 

She warned me. But I didn’t understand back then. 

Miss you Ash. Thanks for helping me to understand things like this. Sometimes we have to learn by actually being in the action I suppose. 

 Thank you for being an amazing artist and giving me tips to elevate my art comic wise in case I ever decide to try to get back into it.  Thank you for letting me see your work flow for comic projects and even starring in one of my projects for a class. Thank you for showing not only myself that Black girls can work in comics and media , but other black girls and women who are artists. 

Follow her work on Instagram @ninjatrip . 

Graphic Design, Gal, and The Name Game

So, sometimes things do not hit me right away for some reason. I am sitting here trying to update my sad lil Behance page with things related to graphic design work and I just want to nap instead!

ahh.. Good ol memories. 

I am glad to have worked with my gal sa crew over the years. I have not been one to actually work with people in school due to being reserved and also bad communication between team mates and art times having the work be dropped in my lap.

Anyway, back on topic, I loved brainstorming of what our logo would look like, picking and choosing our circle's name and font to try and lead what style direction we were going for and seeing how we should design our webpage and settling on copy for the web. 

It amazes me how much graphic design work, creative and artistic direction work had sat in my lap for so long when I helped with the non event related things for Black*Cherry and Gal*Luxy. If I would have tied more of my two worlds together a bit more earlier on at Columbia, maybe I would have had more design samples and would have liked the projects a little better. 

Too bad our websites have been deleted off though! boooo!

We picked and choose our font for our logo after deciding on a few names I had came up with for our circle.
I made a video in one of my classes to help promote our circle.

I do not recall when the trend of putting text blatantly on a picture came about, but it is shown here from about May 2010, created by Amara L. Putting text over an image was a BIIIG no no in my design classes. Ha! But you can spot this type of design almost everywhere now. 

As for the things hitting me pretty damn late, Yea BD aka BLACK DIAMOND. I am side eyein yall. Yall can call yourselves Black Diamond all you want and do your thang, but La and I (also Bambi too) were the original Black Diamonds. Get it? We were Black gals... in Diamond gyaru sa.....

Reflections

July 24,2018

Some x from high school cheated on me and that its a dumb as fuck to continue to be with someone who is showing violent tendencies and lack of ambition as a teen, and even worse when you give them chances to get their act together instead of them doing so on their own free will. Even worse when they add up your gyaru peers to spread rumours about you or get others to do their dirty work for him. 

I diverted my attention from what happened and overworked myself to avoid thinking about it fully. Part of that is ok as I didn't allow myself to go back to something undesireable, yet I wasn't fully addressing something at the same time. 

Ive been coming to terms that when he wanted to include my “gal pals” physically in our relationship, he meant it. I’ve been coming to terms that during the summer of 2010, when I called his phone and a woman picked up and told me that she was busy with him, it could have been a woman he was intimate with despite our relationship being monogamous...or at least me being monogamous to him. (apparently there is a term for this in certain circles.... poly-fuckery. You're not really polyamorous- being honest on who you are seeing, you are forcing someone into dealing with you cheating but "not really'. You're welcome for a new vocab word.)

I’ve come to terms that he was scared he would lose his main chick or whatever he considered me as that summer and only pretended to cry so that I would pity him and take him back. I would not be surprised that when we were making our open relationship agreement (so I could actually go on dates because he didnt want to.... when I could have just blocked his number and went on with my college life... ) that he only wanted to be the one to have physical relations with other women and for me to be ok with that because he was cheating on me through those few years. It was like him being able to do as he pleased while I couldn't even get a kiss from a new suitor. (Unfair much?! )

I have been coming to terms with a nerdy woman blurting out to me that they didn't have cooties to me and that they were most likely alluding to them being intimate with my partner, bringing up conversations of having some Asian guy pay her rent (I had a similar convo of my ex wanting to “move in with me”), or her asking me what “size” of a man I liked and that she didn't prefer “small ones”. WEIRD.
 I also am concerned that they were at the clinic I went to when my x blamed me for something (a little before being told that a woman didnt have cooties) . Like , was I being followed there? Was she with my bf at the time when he bitched me out over the phone or something?

Not having the distractions of silly little spats and dealing with all the memories that flood back to me, I just wish I had the answers years ago to avoid working with someone that thinks its ok to do this and smile in my face and try to slip in calling ME a hoe in conversation as if that is empowering me, as if that's what friends/peers/partners in business do. 

But to be able to see how a a sexist guy thinks who wanted to be catered to and have a woman pamper him and buy him clothes without even earning that right... to be called Satan for “cheating” by someone who did so willing flirting with Saint Louis and Chicago acquaintances and calling THEM clingy, telling me i should gain weight to not be considered attractive, who went through my phone AND emails yet never offered to show me who he was messaging or calling... thats embarrassing to think that someone will think that some "history" of being together would allow them to continue this behaviour for another round with not even a true apology? lol. hilarious. 

Thanks for always thinking of me so much. I've been entertained greatly and enjoyed the attention from all the randos.